


all that i want

by bramgreenfeld



Series: all i want [1]
Category: Rise (TV 2018)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Angst, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 19:33:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14700753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bramgreenfeld/pseuds/bramgreenfeld
Summary: It's the night after the first (and last) show, and everything feels a little bit off.





	all that i want

**Author's Note:**

> what up i'm aj i'm fifteen and i never fucking learned how to accept that rise is over  
> title from all i want by walk the moon  
> come talk to me on tumblr @glorioussimon!!!

Jeremy wasn’t sure how it had gotten to be this way. He didn’t even want to think about it. Honestly, all he wanted to do right now was go to sleep and hope that when he woke up everything would be okay again and this would all just be one huge nightmare.

The general sense of excitement in the air after the show ended dissolved about ten minutes after the curtain closed. Jeremy couldn’t believe that the show had been just hours ago - so much had happened since then. But everything since Mr. Mazzu had told them that this would be their last performance, everything since he had told them that Stanton Drama was shutting down for good, had felt like a dream. 

Michael had invited the rest of the troupe over to his house after the show, just to process things. His parents were out of town, they were going to see the show the next weekend. Jeremy couldn’t imagine how Michael felt knowing that they would never see him perform. He said that he hadn’t told them what happened yet. Jeremy completely understood why - he was hoping that somehow things would change, that he would get a call the next day saying that this was all some big mistake.

Jeremy checked the time  - 12:30. Some of the other teens had gone home, but most were still sprawled around Michael’s basement. Some had fallen asleep, others were talking quietly amongst themselves. Michael had a supply of alcohol hidden somewhere, a hiding place borrowed from his older sister, and had passed cans of beer around. No one spoke louder than a whisper. Jeremy, sitting on the steps, looked around at those that were still there. He couldn’t see Simon anywhere, despite never having seen him leave. He frowned, trying to remember where he had seen him last. He had been arguing with Lilette about an hour ago - Jeremy hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but he couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t hear much of what they were saying. Something about keeping secrets. Jeremy definitely knew a thing or two about  _ that _ subject.

Jeremy had been sitting in the same spot the entire night, on the basement steps with his knees pulled up to his chest. He stood up now, thinking that maybe he should go home and go to bed and hopefully when he woke up everything would be fixed. He walked towards the sliding door, past Sasha and Michael, who had curled up together in a corner. Sasha seemed to be asleep, her head on Michael’s shoulder, but Michael was awake, seemingly texting someone. Jeremy was willing to bet that it was Maashous, who had disappeared sometime after the show ended. “Bye,” Jeremy whispered to him as he moved past. Michael looked up and waved.

Jeremy winced at the loud noise that the door made as he wrenched it open, hoping that he hadn’t woken anyone up. The cold air outside didn’t bother him, and for a moment he just stood there, breathing. 

Suddenly, someone coughed. Jeremy jumped, turning around to see Simon sitting on the ground, leaning against the house, a few empty beer cans on the ground beside him. “You scared me,” Jeremy said.

Simon leaned his head against the wall. “Sorry.” His face was expressionless, his voice devoid of feeling. 

They simply stared at each other for a moment. Simon looked too beautiful to be real, Jeremy thought, with the moonlight illuminating his jaw, his hair, his eyes. God, his eyes. He could stare at Simon for hours and not get bored.

Jeremy blinked, startling himself out of his own thoughts. He sat down next to Simon, surprised when Simon leaned his head on his shoulder. “You okay?” Jeremy asked hesitantly.

“No,” Simon murmured. 

“How much have you had to drink?” 

Simon shrugged. “One beer. Two. Three. I don’t know.” His hand found Jeremy’s, and he twined their fingers together. A jolt went down Jeremy’s spine. “I’m not drunk, though.”

Jeremy smiled slightly. “You’re a little drunk.”

“I’m not,” Simon said. He closed his eyes, leaning into Jeremy. “Thanks.”

“For what? Saying that you’re drunk?”

Simon shook his head. “For not leaving. Everyone else does.”

Jeremy frowned, turning to Simon and lifting his chin so that he could look him in the eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I mean what I said.” Simon pulled away from Jeremy, but squeezed his hand tighter. “Everyone leaves. My dad. Lilette. Everyone.”

“Lilette?” Jeremy echoed, choosing to ignore Simon’s remark about his dad for now. “Why would she leave?”

“She’s moving to Philadelphia,” Simon said, then covered his mouth. “I think that was a secret.”

“I won’t tell,” said Jeremy. 

Simon studied his face. “You’re too nice, Jer.” At Jeremy’s responding frown, he continued. “It makes it harder to not like you. Because I’m not supposed to like you, you know? That’s why my dad hates me now.” His eyes looked distant, empty. “Did you know that he left the auditorium? I looked over at him when we were doing bows and I was holding hands with you and he was gone.” He held up their still intertwined hands. “I really like holding hands with you,” he breathed.

And then they were kissing. Jeremy wasn’t sure who had kissed who first, only that he didn’t want to stop. Simon’s lips tasted like alcohol, and they were warm against his, and it hurt to pull away. 

Simon frowned. “Come back,” he said. God, Jeremy wanted to. He wanted kiss him for hours and hours until the sun came up and longer still.

Yet still, Jeremy shook his head. “We should talk about this,” he said. “Before we do...anything else.”

“Okay,” Simon said. “Then let’s talk.”

Before he could stop himself, Jeremy put a hand on Simon’s cheek. “I don’t think now’s the best time,” he said quietly. “You’ve been drinking, and….”  _ And I don’t think you’d be this willing to talk to me if you were sober. _

__ Simon closed his eyes, leaning forwards so that their foreheads were touching. “Okay,” he breathed.

“Okay,” Jeremy replied. 

He wasn’t sure how long they sat there, their heads together and their hands intertwined. Jeremy didn’t want to leave, but he knew that he had to, that he couldn’t just stay here with Simon forever. So he pulled away, leaning his head back against the side of the house. “I’d better go,” he said, to himself as much as to Simon. “Do you need a ride home?”

Simon’s eyes widened, and he pulled his knees up to his chest. “I can’t,” he whispered. “I can’t go home, I can’t…” He clenched his fists by his sides, his shoulders shaking. Jeremy knelt down beside him, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Why not, Si?” he asked quietly.

Simon shook his head. “My dad doesn’t want me,” he said. He squeezed his eyes shut, a tear sliding down his cheek. “Please, Jer, I can’t see him. Not...not tonight.”

Jeremy put an arm around Simon, pulling him close to him. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “It’s okay.” Simon was really crying now, his face buried in Jeremy’s shoulder. Jeremy hugged him tighter. “You can just stay here tonight with everyone else, okay? Is that alright?” An eternity seemed to pass before Simon nodded, his fists clenched in Jeremy’s shirt. “Do you want to go inside?”

“In a second,” Simon murmured. “Just…” He let out a shuddering breath, and Jeremy’s heart broke.

“I’m sorry,” Jeremy whispered. Simon didn’t respond, just held onto him tighter.

They went inside a few minutes later, Simon laying down on one of the couches. He caught Jeremy’s wrist as he started to turn away. “Stay,” he said softly, his voice sounding like a gunshot in the quiet room. “Please.”

Jeremy frowned. “Are you sure-”

“ _ Please _ .” Simon looked up at him, his eyes still red from crying. Jeremy nodded, laying down next to him. Simon curled up to him, his head in Jeremy’s chest. “I’m scared, Jer.”

“About what?”

“About what might happen tomorrow. Or next week. Or next month.” There was a few seconds of silence before Simon continued. “Everything’s going to fall apart,” he whispered.

Jeremy held him tighter. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. He had no idea what else to say.

Jeremy thought that Simon had fallen asleep, but then he spoke once more. “Just...don’t leave. Be here when I wake up. Okay?”

“Always,” Jeremy said quietly.

Simon’s breathing slowly evened out as he fell asleep in the other boy’s arms, but Jeremy stayed awake. He ran a hand through Simon’s hair, brushing it away from his face. “You deserve better,” he whispered. The other boy didn’t stir.

Jeremy sighed, closing his eyes. After all that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, sleep felt impossible, but he soon found himself drifting off. Maybe when he woke up things would be better. Maybe they wouldn't. But at least he would be with Simon.


End file.
